Seriously... read this

My friend has an awesome blog, and she sent me one of her blogs that she wrote while she was pregnant. She wrote down parts of a talk by Spencer W. Kimball called The Miracle of Forgiveness. I read it today and i thought it was so dead on about how i feel and how these situations really turn out. (though i bolded and underlined my favorite things, read it all :) )

"In this situation it is the girl who suffers most... She carries most of the burdens, while the boy often goes penalty-free. The girl most go through the uncomfortable nine months with its distress, deprivations, limitations and embarrassments, and then the pain and expense of delivery and the difficult life afterward. It is a cowardly boy who would not propose marriage, pay costs, share the deprivations and embarrassment. Yet many young men have walked away and abandoned the girl to all the devastating payments for the sin of them both. Parents frequently excuse the son on one pretext or another, and leave the girl to suffer for the sins of them both."


"To buy the girl off or abandon her to her lifelong problem is not courageous, nor fair, nor right. The time will come when every individual will pay full price, and perhaps with interest, every obligation incurred even though it was hidden or covered at the time."


"The young girl who sins realize that all the sorrows, inconvenience and suffering she goes through incident to the carrying and bearing of a child do not fully constitute forgiveness of her sin. She must repent and make her proper adjustment. Let the boy realize too that none of the suffering of the girl minimizes his guilt, but rather magnifies it. For many reasons he may not be prepared to settle down to family life, but he has by his immoral act projected himself into adulthood and has broght upon himself responsibilities which he will do well to accept and discharge as honorably as he can. Like the girl, he needs to find his way to total repentance, and the road leads through acceptance of responsibility, not away from it."


"For the boy, perhaps the matter can be glossed over and covered up by parents who seek to avoid publicity and a scandal, but have they realized what they have done for their son's soul when he doubles his transgression by failing in his repentance? True repentance means restitution, meeting every obligation and restoring every damage so far as is possible. Yet it is strange how many times parents of the boy decide the girl who was good enough for him to date suddeny became promiscuous and therefor is now unworthy for their son; strange also how few of the parents charge th boy with promiscuity and consequently encourage their son to pass up his responsibilities, even to his own detriment; strange how many parents charge the girl who having trapped their son and now rate their boy "holier than thou" and the girl is not worth of further consideration in the matter!"


(This is him talking to boys) 'Why did you precipitate yourselves into this demanding situation? Why did you do the act which would make you parents? Why did you engage in associations which demand home, employment, status? Your completely irresponsible act and your reaction to it brand you immediately as immature. You seem highly interested in yourself and your conveniences, and your desires. Are you going to run and leave the girl to carry your baby with all your penalties too? It is time you both grew up and matured and faced realities. This situation is not the intention of either of you but it is the result of your loose actions. You made the choice when you broke the law of chastity. You knew it was wrong. You knew this problem could result. Now if you are going to grow up and meet life's issues; if you are going to be fair and just; if you are going to start out a good life on a straight road start now to meet your responsibilities...
Today is a good day to start a new life of mature responsibility. Cease blaming others, start to accept your own responsibility. Make up your own mind. You brought this about together, now solve your problems together. Forgive each other and move along and make the best of a difficult situation, and do not run away from it."


The End.


So, basically, this talk is amazing. I am so grateful for Stefanie for sending it to me. It wasn't the easiest thing to read, but i just love how he says that it really is the girl that suffers, she gets all of the embarrasment, harrasment, the physical and emotional pain. The guy can SO easily walk away, and cover anything. But just because he can walk away from it doesn't mean that he is just as much as guilty as the girl. I wish people would realize that. We both have to repent just the same, neither of us are excused from it in any way. 


I don't think the answer for everyone is marriage, especially if you are too young to be financially ready. But i don't think the answer for everyone is adoption either. There is such a range of situations in my group, everyone does what is best for them. But no matter what the situation, like Spencer W. Kimball said, the boy  should never ever abandon the girl and leave all of the guilt for her. He needs to take responsibility and do what is right for himself and for her. Responsibility, i love LOVE how he used that word a lot, because that really is what you need. Responsibility. It is what guys need to buck up and get! But so do we girls, and i know that we all have gotten and learned it the hard way. 


Thanks again Stefanie for the amazing talk, it seriously helped me :) love ya