Friday, March 26, 2010
Why??
Why does this have to be so hard? I know that i did the right thing, so why do i have to feel like my heart was ripped out? Why am i hurting so bad?
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
No Words....
I just got my Patriarchal blessing.
Oh. My. Gosh.
Probably the second most incredible thing thats happened to me. Jack will always be number one.
I dont really know what to say about it, honestly. I feel like its really sacred, and i dont want to put it all over the internet. But i did want to say that i have really been worrying about it. I think every birthmom out there can agree with me on this, but i have had a fear that i will never marry and Jack will be the only child i ever bear. You might think i sound ridiculous, but it has brought me to tears several nights. What if Jack was the only child i could ever have? The one child i could have is not with me. Now, dont get me wrong, i know Jack is heather and kirks through and through, but imagine that fear. I was so worried about it, and i prayed and prayed that i would get some sort of answer in my blessing that would comfort me and guide me.
I got some answers, and im not sure if i want to post them yet, but i am just so incredibly happy. I cant even explain it, words cannot come close to how i feel right now.
It was just so cool!!!
And people have been asking my questions! I love it.
Oh. My. Gosh.
Probably the second most incredible thing thats happened to me. Jack will always be number one.
I dont really know what to say about it, honestly. I feel like its really sacred, and i dont want to put it all over the internet. But i did want to say that i have really been worrying about it. I think every birthmom out there can agree with me on this, but i have had a fear that i will never marry and Jack will be the only child i ever bear. You might think i sound ridiculous, but it has brought me to tears several nights. What if Jack was the only child i could ever have? The one child i could have is not with me. Now, dont get me wrong, i know Jack is heather and kirks through and through, but imagine that fear. I was so worried about it, and i prayed and prayed that i would get some sort of answer in my blessing that would comfort me and guide me.
I got some answers, and im not sure if i want to post them yet, but i am just so incredibly happy. I cant even explain it, words cannot come close to how i feel right now.
It was just so cool!!!
And people have been asking my questions! I love it.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Questions Anyone?
Theres a box to your left to ask me questions. I feel like people want to ask me things, but are nervous to. Like, in my seminary class, some people look at me weird, like they dont know what to say. You can ask anonymously! Or leave an anonymous comment on here.
And yes, you heard correctly, im going to seminary at my high school again!! I love it, i feel like im in high school!! I just wish i could follow the other kids into the school, like i belonged there again, like nothing ever happened and i was still Mariel, and i would go sit with my friends in the auditorium or go sit outside. I hear people talking about their prom dates, and that one basketball game, and how mr. so and so said this, or that one assembly, and it seriously makes my heart ache. I don't have any of that, i cant do anything. I dont know about anyones relationships or whose team is going to state or who that person is taking to prom. I want to know, i want to have a social life again, i want so badly to just be with the other kids and try to have a senior year!! Most people want out of high school, but i want in. I want to do things and be someone.
And no one can talk to me, because what can they talk to me about? All i get is "So where are you going to high school?" and "Are you going here now?", and when i say no, they're like "Oh....:" and then turn back to whatever. Sigh.
I dont know, maybe i dont want to be a teenager. I really cant wait for college.
Is any of this making sense?
And yes, you heard correctly, im going to seminary at my high school again!! I love it, i feel like im in high school!! I just wish i could follow the other kids into the school, like i belonged there again, like nothing ever happened and i was still Mariel, and i would go sit with my friends in the auditorium or go sit outside. I hear people talking about their prom dates, and that one basketball game, and how mr. so and so said this, or that one assembly, and it seriously makes my heart ache. I don't have any of that, i cant do anything. I dont know about anyones relationships or whose team is going to state or who that person is taking to prom. I want to know, i want to have a social life again, i want so badly to just be with the other kids and try to have a senior year!! Most people want out of high school, but i want in. I want to do things and be someone.
And no one can talk to me, because what can they talk to me about? All i get is "So where are you going to high school?" and "Are you going here now?", and when i say no, they're like "Oh....:" and then turn back to whatever. Sigh.
I dont know, maybe i dont want to be a teenager. I really cant wait for college.
Is any of this making sense?
Friday, March 19, 2010
End of the Year Survey... A Little Late...
So, i know this is late, but it sounded cool so im doing it. I got it from my friend Stefanies blog. Btw, go read it, it is incredibly amazing.
2009 End of the Year Survey
1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?: Got prego. That was big. Give birth, too. That was also big. Played violin for a wedding.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?: Didn't make any last year, and im making some for this year, and ive already accomplished some. I got my temple recommend and im getting my patriartical (spelling?) blessing.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?: Yes, some of my very good friends and my cousin.
4. Did anyone close to you die?: Nope
5. What countries did you visit?: No countries, but i went to Washington
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?: A strong testimony and a better education. And maybe, MAYBE, a good totally awesome boyfriend. But i really dont mind if i have to wait a while. Seriously.
7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: June 3, when i found out i was pregnant, December 29th, when my little Jack came to the world, and January 1st, when i placed him with his parents.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?: Going to school WHILE feeling like crap, giving birth.
9. What was your biggest failure?: Not being able to go to my normal high school.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?: Teeny bit of nausea, couldn't walk for 3 weeks from a big cut in me belly
11. What was the best thing you bought?: A basket of baby stuff for Heather and Kirk. And.... i dont know really. Food?
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?: My doctor. He was amazing.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled?: Jasper, aka, @#^#&@#%
14. Where did most of your money go?: Food, gas to go to school, more food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?: Going to Washington, New Moon coming out, having Jack, everytime time i get to see him.
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?: I gotta feeling. It was on the radio 24/7
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?: mucho happier....o
ii. thinner or fatter?: Little fatter
iii. richer or poorer?: Definitely poorer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?: Talking to my belly
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?: Wasting my time on a stupid idiot boy
20. How will you be spending Christmas?: I spent it with my awesome family
21. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2009?: Probably having Kirk and my dad be embarrassed while at the hospital, i felt bad. And having people keep checking me, and you try not to look embarrassed, but you do, so it makes them embarrassed. And when i was butt naked on the surgery table while they cut me open. Gah.
22. Did you fall in love in 2009?: I fell out of love. But i fell in love with Jack and his amazing parents.
23. How many one-night stands?: Really? None.
24. What was your favorite TV program?: NCIS, The Office
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?: I think you can answer that one.
26. What was the best book you read?: Breaking Dawn. Just comparing birth stories.....
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?: Prokofiev 5th Symphony
28. What did you want and get?: ....... more school done?
29. What did you want and not get?: Pregnancy. I wanted Jack, just not the pregnancy. Yeah, i dont know how that would work either.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?: Time Travelers Wife, This Is It
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?: Turned 18, went to see This Is It and got dinner with my mom. And Heather and Kirk gave me a necklace and earrings and a big bag of scrapbook stuff, it was awesome :)
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: Not having to use 2 months to recover
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?: Get out my moms old clothes and add accessories!
34. What kept you sane?: Mom, Dad, Jack, Annette, Counselor, Group
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?: Eric Bana and John Krasinski. For sho.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?: Health Care
37. Who did you miss?: Jack and sometimes Jasper
38. Who was the best new person you met?: Annette
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009: Sex is such a sacred thing that SERIOUSLY needs to wait until after marriage. It will only end in heartbreak.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I'm hangin' on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
And I'm hearin' what you say,
But I just can't make a sound.
You tell me that you need me,
Then you go and cut me down...
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry,
Didn't think I'd turn around...
And say...
That it's too late to apologize.
It's too late...
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
My resolutions this year:
Finish High School
Get my CNA
Go to BYU
Finish scrapbook for Jack
2009 End of the Year Survey
1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?: Got prego. That was big. Give birth, too. That was also big. Played violin for a wedding.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?: Didn't make any last year, and im making some for this year, and ive already accomplished some. I got my temple recommend and im getting my patriartical (spelling?) blessing.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?: Yes, some of my very good friends and my cousin.
4. Did anyone close to you die?: Nope
5. What countries did you visit?: No countries, but i went to Washington
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?: A strong testimony and a better education. And maybe, MAYBE, a good totally awesome boyfriend. But i really dont mind if i have to wait a while. Seriously.
7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: June 3, when i found out i was pregnant, December 29th, when my little Jack came to the world, and January 1st, when i placed him with his parents.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?: Going to school WHILE feeling like crap, giving birth.
9. What was your biggest failure?: Not being able to go to my normal high school.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?: Teeny bit of nausea, couldn't walk for 3 weeks from a big cut in me belly
11. What was the best thing you bought?: A basket of baby stuff for Heather and Kirk. And.... i dont know really. Food?
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?: My doctor. He was amazing.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled?: Jasper, aka, @#^#&@#%
14. Where did most of your money go?: Food, gas to go to school, more food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?: Going to Washington, New Moon coming out, having Jack, everytime time i get to see him.
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?: I gotta feeling. It was on the radio 24/7
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?: mucho happier....o
ii. thinner or fatter?: Little fatter
iii. richer or poorer?: Definitely poorer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?: Talking to my belly
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?: Wasting my time on a stupid idiot boy
20. How will you be spending Christmas?: I spent it with my awesome family
21. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2009?: Probably having Kirk and my dad be embarrassed while at the hospital, i felt bad. And having people keep checking me, and you try not to look embarrassed, but you do, so it makes them embarrassed. And when i was butt naked on the surgery table while they cut me open. Gah.
22. Did you fall in love in 2009?: I fell out of love. But i fell in love with Jack and his amazing parents.
23. How many one-night stands?: Really? None.
24. What was your favorite TV program?: NCIS, The Office
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?: I think you can answer that one.
26. What was the best book you read?: Breaking Dawn. Just comparing birth stories.....
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?: Prokofiev 5th Symphony
28. What did you want and get?: ....... more school done?
29. What did you want and not get?: Pregnancy. I wanted Jack, just not the pregnancy. Yeah, i dont know how that would work either.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?: Time Travelers Wife, This Is It
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?: Turned 18, went to see This Is It and got dinner with my mom. And Heather and Kirk gave me a necklace and earrings and a big bag of scrapbook stuff, it was awesome :)
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: Not having to use 2 months to recover
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?: Get out my moms old clothes and add accessories!
34. What kept you sane?: Mom, Dad, Jack, Annette, Counselor, Group
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?: Eric Bana and John Krasinski. For sho.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?: Health Care
37. Who did you miss?: Jack and sometimes Jasper
38. Who was the best new person you met?: Annette
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009: Sex is such a sacred thing that SERIOUSLY needs to wait until after marriage. It will only end in heartbreak.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I'm hangin' on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
And I'm hearin' what you say,
But I just can't make a sound.
You tell me that you need me,
Then you go and cut me down...
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry,
Didn't think I'd turn around...
And say...
That it's too late to apologize.
It's too late...
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
My resolutions this year:
Finish High School
Get my CNA
Go to BYU
Finish scrapbook for Jack
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Another Step Towards Recovery
If you ever need help getting over an ex or anything, rearrange your living space. I started cleaning my room, and then decided that i wanted this dresser over here, and i scooted my bed, and eventually, everything got rearranged. It took me alllll day, but i love it. Its like a new start, in a way.
Because my room was in the same order for years, while i was with Jasper. Thats where i resided while i thought of him, talked on the phone with him, came home from sleepovers with him. Its haunting. Plus, while cleaning, i was able to gather up all of the false crap hes ever given me, put it in a big black garbage bag, and throw it in the garage where it will sit in the cold dust until i have a ritual bonfire to burn every last memory of him. HA!
I really do like my room. I couldn't stop until i was done, i moved everything and threw away a lot. I look at it now and its just part of the new Mariel. Her new life is starting and shes going to live in a new room and do a butt load of homework and read and practice violin. Shes going to be awesome gosh dangit! Well, i hope so....
Because my room was in the same order for years, while i was with Jasper. Thats where i resided while i thought of him, talked on the phone with him, came home from sleepovers with him. Its haunting. Plus, while cleaning, i was able to gather up all of the false crap hes ever given me, put it in a big black garbage bag, and throw it in the garage where it will sit in the cold dust until i have a ritual bonfire to burn every last memory of him. HA!
I really do like my room. I couldn't stop until i was done, i moved everything and threw away a lot. I look at it now and its just part of the new Mariel. Her new life is starting and shes going to live in a new room and do a butt load of homework and read and practice violin. Shes going to be awesome gosh dangit! Well, i hope so....
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
(Lightbulb above head)
I went to visit Jack today! He moves his head and arms more, and he was talking so much!! He can focus a little more on things, but he still loves the ceiling fans. Such a funny little dude. He was still upset because hes gassy, and he is a cuddler, so you can't put him down for a second!
But something really hit me today. Kirk came home, and he was rubbing jacks belly and smiling big at him saying "Awww buddy!", and Jack just got a big smile, and starting taking these little short quick breaths which, to me, says hes excited, and was looking right at Kirk. I looked at that, and i realized another big reason i placed Jack.
I want Jack to have a dad. Someone that comes home from work and throws him up in the air and smiles big at him. Someone that will be there helping him learn how to ride a bike, or play sports, or being sitting in the audience at his recitals with a camera, and someone to baptize him. He wouldn't have had a dad with me. He would have a grandpa and annoying uncles :) but he would be missing that father figure. I love seeing the way Jack and Kirk look at each other. There is such a special connection.
Im so grateful for what an amazing dad Kirk is. I love him and Heather and will always be grateful for them for loving my Jack.
But something really hit me today. Kirk came home, and he was rubbing jacks belly and smiling big at him saying "Awww buddy!", and Jack just got a big smile, and starting taking these little short quick breaths which, to me, says hes excited, and was looking right at Kirk. I looked at that, and i realized another big reason i placed Jack.
I want Jack to have a dad. Someone that comes home from work and throws him up in the air and smiles big at him. Someone that will be there helping him learn how to ride a bike, or play sports, or being sitting in the audience at his recitals with a camera, and someone to baptize him. He wouldn't have had a dad with me. He would have a grandpa and annoying uncles :) but he would be missing that father figure. I love seeing the way Jack and Kirk look at each other. There is such a special connection.
Im so grateful for what an amazing dad Kirk is. I love him and Heather and will always be grateful for them for loving my Jack.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Placement Poem
My friend Annette wrote this, and it is so beautiful.
Your Turn
Some of us can be mothers
Some of us physically can not
Some of us make mistakes
Some of us are obedient
Some of us wish we could be ready
Some of us have the necessary preparation
Sometimes we make mistakes
Sometimes someone else gets blessed
Sometimes we may not be ready
Sometimes we finally get our turn
Sometimes we can be mothers
Sometimes we leave it in God’s hands
Today God would like to reward you through me
Today I have made the mistakes
Today God will take that mistake
Today God will make it your blessing
Today God knows your righteous preparations
Today we would like to make you a Mother
Please be the Angel to watch over my baby, His child
-Annette Goodrich
Your Turn
Some of us can be mothers
Some of us physically can not
Some of us make mistakes
Some of us are obedient
Some of us wish we could be ready
Some of us have the necessary preparation
Sometimes we make mistakes
Sometimes someone else gets blessed
Sometimes we may not be ready
Sometimes we finally get our turn
Sometimes we can be mothers
Sometimes we leave it in God’s hands
Today God would like to reward you through me
Today I have made the mistakes
Today God will take that mistake
Today God will make it your blessing
Today God knows your righteous preparations
Today we would like to make you a Mother
Please be the Angel to watch over my baby, His child
-Annette Goodrich
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Anonymous Questions
I got the idea from my friend Stefanie to make a profile on formspring.me, where people can anonymously ask me questions and i answer. I have had many questions that people ask me, and i think people are too shy sometimes, so i thought that this would be good. I will answer faithfully and honestly :)
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
FAQs #2
Im doing this again because people have said they wanted updates, and i dont know how else to write about my life at the moment. Im very blah lately. I think blah should be my middle name.
1. How are you? Really.
Stressed. Thinking about the future sucks. Deciding on college, trying to find a job, trying to be all social and cool. I feel like there is a black cloud over my head. I think its the anti-depressants. I really dont want to take them, but last time i rebelled and went off of them, i smacked, not hit, rock bottom. So, i have to take them. They take the edge off, but they also make me really distant and blah. I feel bad for people trying to carry on a conversation with me.
I miss Jack. Im going through a denial period, for some reason. I was obviously pregnant, but its like i dont remember being pregnant, like it never happened, and its hard to think he is mine. Im really upset that im feeling this way, because i know hes mine, and i want him to be mine. Well, obviously hes heather and kirks, but... you know what i mean.
2. Are you graduating this year?
I know its rude, but it kinda bothers me when people ask that with a tone of "are you still in school?". Duh. I didn't drop out, just because i dont go to Orem High and i go to the "reject" school. Geez.
Anyway.... yes, i am graduating. Either the end of this month or April.
3. Going to college?
Yup. Well, im applying late to BYU, but since my dad is a professor i kinda have an "in". But i gotta get it done. I just had to wait for my high school transcripts and ACT score to get in, and my bishop has to complete my ecclesiastical endorsement.
Yes, people are shocked when i say im going to BYU. It bothers me. I had a hard few years, but dont we all? Yeah, i screwed up for a bit, but i did the right thing, and now im moving on. Please stop giving me that look when i say BYU. Thank you.
4. Have you gotten a job yet?
Have you LOOKED at our economy lately? :) No, i havent. Ive applied and bugged people to death. This manager knows me by name and is getting pretty annoyed with my daily appearance. But hey, that is how i got my other jobs. Be a stalker.
5. Plans for the future?
Im going to MATC to get my Registered Nurses Assistance in a 3 week program that my high school is paying for. Pretty cool. I would rather be in that field than working at subway. Ill work with that while i go to BYU to get my generals done, then ill transfer to Weber or UVU to get my degree in Radio Tech.
6. Wow, you have that all figured out.
Hey, in this world, you have to know what you are going to do. I like knowing where im going.
7. Wanting to meet a boy at BYU?
If it happens, it happens, but my ideal marriage age would be about 24. I'd be all done with schooling, get to do fun single things, live life, work at my dream job for a while.
8. Speaking of boys....
Nope, nothing to report. Surprisingly, the guys i have been meeting are very respectful of Jack. Maybe its just the way our world is today. And, i have met them through friends that know everything, so they already knew.
That one kid i went on a date with a while ago and was goo goo for? Yeah. Freaking stupid. Very selfish, self absorbed, high and mightey, interupts, spells words wrong. Thats petty, i know, but intelligence is a big plus for me. He would text me saying "Im board". Really? You cant spell a fourth grade word? Geez.
But i have met another guy, very smart, graduated early, very kind and selfless, tall, computer nerd, intelligent, carries on good conversations, sincerely interested in how im doing, very sensitive to peoples feelings. Anyway. Hes really nice.
I seriously dont want to get married for a long time though. Boys are very immature, i want to ignore them and have fun.
9. Well, you are looking great.
HA!!! No. There is a reason that i wear baggy shirts, and that only two of my old pairs of jeans fit. Why do we say pair of jeans? They are just one thing.... ive never gotten that. Anyway, i have stretch marks all over and this little pudge that i hope goes away soon.
10. How big is the incision?
About 4-41/2 inches. Its really low too, i thought they would do it like how they used to, a long line vertically up the stomach. I guess they still do that, in emergency situations. But mine is small, dark reddish purple, and its tight still and tucks in. There is a pucker of skin above it. Gross.
11. How is everything with the adoptive couple?
I could not ask for anyone better. They are amazing beyond words. She sends me a picture about every day with cute captions. She writes me emails, too, i just got one yesterday :) they are both so amazing. It seriously gets me emotional thinking about how amazing parents they are.
12. Hows the little Jack?
The cutest baby in the world!! I hope i dont offend, i know you other birthmoms out there now how i feel :) I like to say "He was the cutest baby born on December 29th at ___pm at _________ hospital in the year 2010" :) But i love him to death. I dont think anyone can accurately put into words the love they have for their children. He is my hope and my guiding light. Everything i do, i do for him.
Hes chunky!!!! I wonder if premie babies grow a little faster at first to catch up? Heather says that he is very curious, he loves looking around, especially at the ceiling fans. He is still calm, though gassy, poor little guy. Otherwise, he is absolutely perfect.
Any questions, feel free to ask. I actually started a think on formspring.me, where you can ask questions anonymously. I thought it would interesting, i got the idea from the amazing, lovely Stefanie. You should check out her blog btw. Completely amazing.
1. How are you? Really.
Stressed. Thinking about the future sucks. Deciding on college, trying to find a job, trying to be all social and cool. I feel like there is a black cloud over my head. I think its the anti-depressants. I really dont want to take them, but last time i rebelled and went off of them, i smacked, not hit, rock bottom. So, i have to take them. They take the edge off, but they also make me really distant and blah. I feel bad for people trying to carry on a conversation with me.
I miss Jack. Im going through a denial period, for some reason. I was obviously pregnant, but its like i dont remember being pregnant, like it never happened, and its hard to think he is mine. Im really upset that im feeling this way, because i know hes mine, and i want him to be mine. Well, obviously hes heather and kirks, but... you know what i mean.
2. Are you graduating this year?
I know its rude, but it kinda bothers me when people ask that with a tone of "are you still in school?". Duh. I didn't drop out, just because i dont go to Orem High and i go to the "reject" school. Geez.
Anyway.... yes, i am graduating. Either the end of this month or April.
3. Going to college?
Yup. Well, im applying late to BYU, but since my dad is a professor i kinda have an "in". But i gotta get it done. I just had to wait for my high school transcripts and ACT score to get in, and my bishop has to complete my ecclesiastical endorsement.
Yes, people are shocked when i say im going to BYU. It bothers me. I had a hard few years, but dont we all? Yeah, i screwed up for a bit, but i did the right thing, and now im moving on. Please stop giving me that look when i say BYU. Thank you.
4. Have you gotten a job yet?
Have you LOOKED at our economy lately? :) No, i havent. Ive applied and bugged people to death. This manager knows me by name and is getting pretty annoyed with my daily appearance. But hey, that is how i got my other jobs. Be a stalker.
5. Plans for the future?
Im going to MATC to get my Registered Nurses Assistance in a 3 week program that my high school is paying for. Pretty cool. I would rather be in that field than working at subway. Ill work with that while i go to BYU to get my generals done, then ill transfer to Weber or UVU to get my degree in Radio Tech.
6. Wow, you have that all figured out.
Hey, in this world, you have to know what you are going to do. I like knowing where im going.
7. Wanting to meet a boy at BYU?
If it happens, it happens, but my ideal marriage age would be about 24. I'd be all done with schooling, get to do fun single things, live life, work at my dream job for a while.
8. Speaking of boys....
Nope, nothing to report. Surprisingly, the guys i have been meeting are very respectful of Jack. Maybe its just the way our world is today. And, i have met them through friends that know everything, so they already knew.
That one kid i went on a date with a while ago and was goo goo for? Yeah. Freaking stupid. Very selfish, self absorbed, high and mightey, interupts, spells words wrong. Thats petty, i know, but intelligence is a big plus for me. He would text me saying "Im board". Really? You cant spell a fourth grade word? Geez.
But i have met another guy, very smart, graduated early, very kind and selfless, tall, computer nerd, intelligent, carries on good conversations, sincerely interested in how im doing, very sensitive to peoples feelings. Anyway. Hes really nice.
I seriously dont want to get married for a long time though. Boys are very immature, i want to ignore them and have fun.
9. Well, you are looking great.
HA!!! No. There is a reason that i wear baggy shirts, and that only two of my old pairs of jeans fit. Why do we say pair of jeans? They are just one thing.... ive never gotten that. Anyway, i have stretch marks all over and this little pudge that i hope goes away soon.
10. How big is the incision?
About 4-41/2 inches. Its really low too, i thought they would do it like how they used to, a long line vertically up the stomach. I guess they still do that, in emergency situations. But mine is small, dark reddish purple, and its tight still and tucks in. There is a pucker of skin above it. Gross.
11. How is everything with the adoptive couple?
I could not ask for anyone better. They are amazing beyond words. She sends me a picture about every day with cute captions. She writes me emails, too, i just got one yesterday :) they are both so amazing. It seriously gets me emotional thinking about how amazing parents they are.
12. Hows the little Jack?
The cutest baby in the world!! I hope i dont offend, i know you other birthmoms out there now how i feel :) I like to say "He was the cutest baby born on December 29th at ___pm at _________ hospital in the year 2010" :) But i love him to death. I dont think anyone can accurately put into words the love they have for their children. He is my hope and my guiding light. Everything i do, i do for him.
Hes chunky!!!! I wonder if premie babies grow a little faster at first to catch up? Heather says that he is very curious, he loves looking around, especially at the ceiling fans. He is still calm, though gassy, poor little guy. Otherwise, he is absolutely perfect.
Any questions, feel free to ask. I actually started a think on formspring.me, where you can ask questions anonymously. I thought it would interesting, i got the idea from the amazing, lovely Stefanie. You should check out her blog btw. Completely amazing.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Little Chunkster
My cousin visited from California, which was awesome! It was a ton of fun. She got to visit Jack. He is 11 lbs! Crazy. He looks like a little budda :) kidding! He is so adorable.
I love his eyes, they are so expressive. Hes always curious and loves to look around.
Heather needed to run some errands, so she let me babysit :) i love her. He got some shots this morning and he was gassy, so he was fussy, but he eventually wiped himself out. He was out the whole time! Poor guy :( his crying is so sad, he does a little pout with his lips :( He is such a cuddler, he loves being held. And he likes his hands to be held too. Sigh, what an angel. I love him.
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