Standout of the day

Our bishop taught a combined relief society/elders quorum today. Dont really remember what the lesson was about, but he handed out a list of scriptures, and there were 2 that really stood out to me.

The first is D&C 98: 25 and 45, "And again, if your enemy shall smite you the second time, and you revile not against your enemy, and bear it patiently, your reward shall be an hundredfold." and vs 45, " And if he do this, thou shalt forgive him with all thine heart; and if he do not this, I, the Lord, will avenge thee of thine enemy an hundred-fold;"

 I was like... whoa. I had been in a bad mood all morning about jasper, and his stupid email, and when i read this, it kinda hit me in the face. I mean, its pretty self-explanatory. No matter how much crap i receive from him, or other people, if i dont react to it and if im just humble and patient, i will be blessed. Im glad my mom and dad edited my email back to him yesterday. If i were to express all i were feeling, call him names, explain my broke heart, then he would have responded and it would have started a battle. But, with their help, i kept it short and to the point, i wasn't mean or offense or accusing, and i am *trying trying trying* to be humble. I mean, i do want to write an email. Seriously, i want to spill out my guts, use words no one will dare even think, call him names that would make a mosquito gasp! I seriously do, i want him to know how much im hurting, i want him to know what a #$@%^^@ he is, but, im trying my hardest to be humble and to be patient. Im not sure about the second part, saying that i need to forgive him with all my heart. Like, i know i do, but i think it might be a while :) gotta work on that. But hey, i deserve to be hating for a little, right? :) Anyway, awesome scripture that totally just answered questions in my head. Isn't that cool how that happens?

Ok, this one is amazing. Like.... ok. Matt 19:29 "And every one that hath forsaken housees, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life." That one really got to me. I almost felt like that scripture was made for me and any other birth mothers out there. Its not direct at adoption, but the fact that we will receive so many blessing and that we will inherit everlasting life because we are doing the best things for these little spirits in us was so... amazing to me and it really touched me. Its comforting and just, reassuring i guess. Again, i know i say this a lot, but i know its going to be hard. But im grateful for the scriptures, and for the messages, little and humungo, we get. I know, sounding preachy. But yeah, i just wanted to share those :)

Worse then a Bee sting

If you're sick of reading depressed posts, don't read this one. :) kidding. Not really.

Another reason i couldn't be with him anymore, i find out new things everyday that i didn't know. Things he did, people he talked to, places he was. There was such a huge trust issue. I feel like... like he was a double agent, living a second completely different life that i had no idea about. But it wasn't only one other life, its like... he had a certain life to live for everyone he knew. As is there were a closet that he picked an outfit out of. When i came over, he put on his mariel life, when whoever went over... you know. I didn't know him. I thought i did, but... who knows who that was. I just feel like it was one big lie over and over that brought me down and into this deep dark place. It honestly scares me, finding out these things, learning things about this person that i feel i gave my life to. What a waste.

I never want to go into great deep detail, but i thought people would want to know. I got an email from him yesterday. I was so surprised, and i dont know why. I knew he would contact me someday. It has been almost 3 weeks already. Basically, it said "can we have contact? I want to talk to you, i want to know how you're doing. But only if you have time. Dont worry yourself girl. Hang in there :)". Wow. Really? Like, that was all i could think of. Really? You're acting like we're best friends who've lost touch. And he tells me to hang in there?!? He has NO idea of the hell that he has put me through, and he's telling me to hang in there. There were so many things i wanted to say, but i wrote something short, with some editing help from my dad. I reminded him of the fact that i never wanted to hear from him again, and to not contact me. I said "I have moved on, and i wish you would do the same." Yeah, its all mature and cool, but it was hard. I sat looking at the email for about 15 minutes before i thought of what to say back. It hurt so bad. His.... ignorance and... "chill" attitude just... stung. After everything he has done to me, all of the pain he has put me through, all of the lies and cheating, im supposed to "not worry myself" and "hang in there"??? The. Nerve. It has taken strength from Heavenly Father to not march over there and just smack his stupid face.

Again, i have to put it out there that i dont hate him. Im so... upset, hurt, disappointed, disgusted, used, scared... a lot of things, but not hating. I dont want this grudge and darkness to sit on my shoulders for the rest of my life, or even for when this baby comes. I don't need that extra baggage. But it hurts so badly. I cant describe the pain, other than a sting. You know, ive never been stung by a bee, so i don't even know what a sting feels like. I know, im missing out. Never broken a bone, never even sprained something. So lame. But this whole experience... its good for me, i know it is, but im thinking its worse than a broken bone.

Thankful for....

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, i want to say a few things i am grateful for. Why not :)
First, my parents. There is no one that has been more supportive of me through this process then them. They have loved me through and through, and have been very kind and helpful. They push me to do whats best, but they also let me realize that i have to make choices, and they are supportive. My mom is my best friend. She always has been, and during this journey she has become my closest companion. She is so loving, and has such a huge heart. She listens to me and takes me to do things, which i love. She doesn't let me sit around, she makes me go to school to help me get things done, but she also takes me shopping, or just out to keep me active, and i love her for it. I just love talking to her and having her there. I love my dad too, he is so patient and loving. He listens to me and lets me know that he loves me no matter what. I love them both so much, and i know that things would be so much harder if i didn't have them as my therapists and shoulders to cry on :)

One thing that has helped me a lot is the Ensign of General Conference. Seriously.... read it. Even in talks where i read the title and im like "Well, this doesn't really have to do with me", there is always something that stands out and its so amazing. Reading the words of our latter-day prophets.... what could be more helpful and uplifting then that?

My siblings have turned into my best friends, and they are so awesome about this. They love calling me fatty and pretending to punch my stomach. And there are always jokes going around, but i honestly love it. They again are just so awesome and so freaking funny :)

Im grateful for everything i have! General term, i know, but seriously, do you realize how lucky we are? I live in a house with heating, and a fridge and stove and oven, and everyone has a room with a bed and more than several sets of clothes, and our cupboards are full of food. Seriously... we are so lucky, and i know that i take it for granted sometimes. I hear about these other countries, people suffering, and i just know that i am so blessed.

Again, i know i talked about it before, but im so grateful for Heather and Kirk, and for their friendship and their amazing personalities. I love them for who they are, and im grateful that my mom found them :) i know that "little buddie" is going to be in an awesome home with the coolest parents, and he can pursue whatever he chooses, and they will be supportive of it. And im grateful for the choice of open adoption, and that it is more common now. I definitely wouldn't want it any other way, and im happy that Heather and Kirk feel the same.

Last (there is definitely more, but then this blog would never end :) ) im grateful for Heavenly Father, and for the strength he has given me throughout this process. This whole journey would be impossible if he wasn't there to help me, and im grateful and happy to put my trust in him. He has given me a ton, and it blows my mind every day.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  

5.5 miles at 7 months

I don't know why i always think i can do something and totally forget the fact that im pregnant :) It really wasn't that bad, it was a steady flat pace through the San Raefiel swell (spelling?) by Goblin Valley. It was kinda nice to get out and moving, and i realized how completely out of shape i am! I hope being out of shape doesn't affect how i do in birth. Im still really sore, and i was so winded. Sigh...

I have had these severe pains in my upper stomach, and of course i assume the worst immediately and think that they are contractions, and i freak myself out. But i don't think they are. Either my stomach isn't liking stuff i eat or maybe my belly is getting ready for birth? Who knows. Scary stuff though, it makes me think of birth, and i just do NOT want to think about it! It terrifies me! If the pain i had today is anything like contractions, then im not going to do so well. I honestly thought for a second that i was going to die. Im not a good handler of pain.

I realized i was kinda depressed, especially when i talked about friends and people not caring. I still somewhat feel that way, and this experience has helped me realize who people truly are, and who will be your friend. Some of my best friends are girls from my group who are going or who have gone through the same thing. I mean, what could be better then talking to people who don't only know what you're going through but are actually going through it. I love talking to Alyssa, she had her baby a couple months ago, and she is really open with me and tells me how it is. I really appreciate people like that, because i know this is not going to be easy. Our group subject one week was about life after adoption, and four women came in that had been through the same experience. Some were nice and polite, saying they got through it, but two of the women were so awesome, and they were like "Not going to lie, it sucks. It will be the hardest thing you have been through", which is a little shocking to some, but i was seriously thinking Thank You. Im the type of person that likes to know how it is, because then i better prepare myself and i get through it easier. Like getting a shot, i would have my mom pinch my skin and be like "It will feel like this" and then i wasn't as scared. And everyones experience is different, mine might be Hell or worse, but i love hearing peoples stories, and things they did to get their mind off of it.

Jasper news? None. Im surprised too, its like he disappeared off the face of the world. I would usually hear from him by now, or i would have run over there begging him to take me back. Its been 2 weeks now. Our "anniversary" was on Saturday. It was really hard, it made me think of how that became our anniversary. Our first kiss, very lame, funny, and sweet. Im glad i was on a hike to get my mind off of it. And its still hard, everyday, but with the Lords help and help from my family and a few friends, it eases the pain.

Alyssa wrote an awesome blog about the show Glee, and how a girl on it gets pregnant and has the support of her boyfriend and it seems like a happy ever after. I have to agree with her that shows like that and The Secret Life of the American Teenager are total hollywood scenarios. The boyfriend, unless he's amazing, is never there, or ends up being a total frog. They might be supportive at first, but they will get freaked out, get lazy, or just plain not care. I wish there was a guy somewhere that could love me right now, not going to lie. I wish someone could just hang with me, love me for who i am, hold my hand and just love me. It hurts everyday, but i think its for the better. I need to go through this experience by myself and make myself stronger, and not rely on someone else to make me stronger. Because that is what ive done for the past couple years, my happiness and self-esteem relied on this one guy and what he thought of me or said to me. I need to learn to be my own person, and to be strong in myself before i start another relationship. And, there aren't a ton of guys out there that are attracted to pregnant girls. Its a big turn off.

Thank you Alyssa for your post, and thanks to anyone out there that reads this. If there is anyone :) i just hope people know me, and know what i have to say :)

New Moon

New Moon with Heather!! So much fun, i have to give a big kudos to Chris Weitz for making an actual movie and keeping true to the story. And not making people look like they got in a flour fight and ate strawberries. And showing that with a little effort, Kristen and Rob can act. So yes, i am very impressed, and i love Heather for taking me and my mom :)

Good movie, but ill admit, ive always been team edward, but that movie really brought jacob to life for me. I can totally feel for him. And there were things about Edward that reminded me of jasper (my ex.. ya, not the movie one), and it made me not like Edward. It stung everything he said something and it reminded me of him. And the suffering Bella went through the whole movie, i can actually relate. Like, i dont scream into my pillow, that was a little weird. I mean, come on. Really? But watching her kinda made me sad.

So, not going to lie, this week has been really hard. I think the hurt that i was saying wasn't hitting me.. .is hitting me. And the thing is, no one can understand. Like, they can maybe understand how im hurt by the way he treated me because they were treated similar, but im pregnant with his child. I have a life in me that is part him, and it hurts that he ruined that connection. You cannot understand what you feel for your baby daddy unless youve been pregnant. Its one thing to be boyfriend girlfriend, another to be husband wife, but a WHOLE 'nother to be pregnant with each other. You created a life together, you shared something with each other. So when he ruins that,.... it hurts so bad. Yeah, i feel bad for the other girls that hes cheated on, hurt, whatever, but this guy made a child with me, and wanted to marry me, and he does that. Im sorry, but that hurts, and it hurts when people think they are suffering just as much or more as I am.

Im not trying to sound selfish. Its just hard not having friends. All of the people that i used to associate with, at the high school or whatever level, are friends with him. Or knew him. They dont want to talk to me, because they feel it would be awkward. I understand, i guess. Or they dont want to get involved, which i can understand that. Or, they are good friends with the other girls that he has hurt, so all of my friends are in awkward positions trying to talk to me and these other people, and i just feel retarded. Im sorry, but i do. And i dont want to talk to the other girls that he's hurt. I dont want to be reminded of him at all, and i know that they are hurting, but they aren't pregnant with his child, so im sorry, but i DONT want to listen or hear any of their whining. So mean, i know. But i just dont. I feel like what they are going through is petty compared to the hell that i have been through not only for the past 7 months, but the past few weeks.

Ive never been single. Im not bragging, im saying that im not used to this. This... weird aloneness, not having someone there to hold, kiss, to say they love me. To hold my hand, to get texts every so often. If i wanted to quote Bella and be cheesy, i would say "It feels like a big whole has been ripped in my chest", but... its kinda true. There has been a big part of me taken, and i haven't been the old mariel for 4 years. Its weird trying to find her and get her back. People say that this age is hard because you are trying to learn about who you are, and its so true. Im not sure if i know who i am, or who im going to be.

If i offended anyone while reading this.... i would say im sorry, but im not, because this is how i really feel. I know there is likely a person that will read this that has been hurt by jasper too, and im sorry. I know how you feel, trust me.

Im Still Human Ya Know

I just gotta put it out there that even though we get pregnant, we're still human. I am still Mariel, always have been, always will be.

It seriously bugs that so many people i knew were like "Oh, if you ever need anything, im here. You can talk to me anytime" when really, they're in high school. They have their own lives to worry about, and they dont care about me, they just want to know the latest so they have something to tell people at school. They want to officially tell people that they talked to me and that i "said this" so they can look cool.

I am grateful for those people who truly are my friend and have done or do things with me, and im sorry if i offended any with what i just said, but really, it bugs that people ask me how i am because they feel they have to. Yeah, i have a child in me, and some people who i used to associate with, or anyone at my old high school (except you few who are cool and genuinely care about me) just look at me as a girl who got knocked up and think "Oh gosh, i cant believe she did that". But really, im going to have this baby, let Heather and Kirk raise him right, and move on. Im going to go to college, hopefully meet a guy, like, my life isn't over people. I made a mistake but im doing whats right and right now, im working my butt off going to school. Heck, im probably working harder than people who go to a real high school!

So yeah, im still human, i still like to hang out with people that aren't retarded, which i have found out a lot of people are, like they've never seen a pregnant person. We're in Utah, its not new people. Just because i have a little weight in the front doesn't mean i don't like to do the same things and that i don't enjoy people's company.

Heather is taking my mom and I to New Moon tomorrow, what?!?! Im so excited!!!  See, i still like the same old things. Again, im still Mariel. But seriously, so freaking excited for New Moon. Im worried that it might be like Twilight, where you walk out thinking "..... what?" :)

Sorry, just had to let out some steam. The thing that started it was people at East Shore today. They help me think of so many ideas for shirts :)

Gratitude

So our group topic today was on Gratitude, and we got to throw a stuffed frog at each other and say things we were grateful for. I said something, and i really did mean it, so i thought i would repeat it.

I am grateful not only for my adoptive couple, and the awesome relationship i have with her and him, but for who she and kirk chose to be. I just look at how they live and what they make of themselves, and it is just a constant reminder that not only are they awesome people, but they are going to be awesome parents. A big thing that has jumped to the top of my list for "future boyfriends" is having ambition in life. An ambition to make something of yourself, to work, to want to do good, and i see that in Heather and Kirk. He has a great job and it really touches me on how hard they are working to get the room ready for this little guy, its so touching.

And i cannot tell you how much it means to me that they are married in the temple, and that they are faithful in the church. I want this little guy to grow up in a house with a picture of his mommy and daddy in front of the temple in their wedding clothes, and realize the importance of that, and strive for that himself. I want him to take the sacrament every week, be baptized, become a deacon and so forth. And i know that they will do that, and im comfortable with it.

The relationship between birth mom and adoptee parents is so.... unlike anything, i do not think anyone can even comprehend it unless they have experienced it themselves. I don't know how they feel, but i can say that the joy and peace it brings me to look at Heather and Kirk, get to know their fun, loving, spunky personalities, and realize that my son is going to grow up with them is indescribable. Open adoption is such a blessing. Just by what i know of them already, i am so comfortable with them raising my son, and that is so important, i think. To look at them and say, "Yes, he is going to have the best life ever."

Anyway, thats one of the many things im grateful for. Love you Heather and Kirk!

Another day down...

Sometimes, i wonder if it would have been easier to just go to my regular high school. I have to do 15 hours in the gym at school for my PE packet, so i went in a did 2 hours today. Whew! Walking on the treadmill the whole time,... yeah. Pretty incredibly fun. It was interesting, these kids that would stare at me like i was an alien. Um... you have a piercing in your lip and smell like weed. So we're pretty much even. But they ask me when im due as if im holding a gun, or like, its a game or a joke to ask me. Since i stick straight out, this kid didn't notice anything while standing in front of my tedious walking, but when he walked by me, he was like "WHHHHOOOOOAAAA! Dude... when are you due?" Really? Im not the only prego girl there, im not seeing whats so new about this.

I just love watching peoples reactions. Especially when you hold eye contact with a cute guy for a little bit, and then his eyes drift down to your belly and they widen and look away. So great :) But i did hang with an old guy friend last night. I have to go bowling for an online PE class so i can graduate (grrrr) and it was fun catching up. Man, i was winded after bowling my third ball! And i cant do the fancy bend and let your right leg stick out behind you. I swear i had an audience amused at the prego girl try to lift her 9 pound ball. It was the smallest i could go that would still fit my fingers. Wanna know my score? 75. I know, thank you, thank you. I really hope i don't fail the class. Why did i think bowling was going to be easy?

31 weeks in counting

Well, it was 31 weeks yesterday. The final stretch, as some say. Im really scared actually. Pregnancy is so long but it flies by! I remember getting my 22 week ultrasound, thats so weird. Thanksgiving is next week, then christmas, then KABOOM. Ugh, i dont want to think about birth. Ive always been so terrified, hospitals scare me. But im also scared because in a way i dont want it to be over. I think i will miss being pregnant, but i will be happy to be back to normal and be able to go do things. Ive realized there are a lot of things you cant do when you're pregnant!

Clarification

I need to say something about that last one. Some things i said were a little out there and rude, and i do not want anyone thinking that i hate Jasper. I am very upset about what happened, but i could never hate him. We created a life together, and because of that life inside of me, i have become a much better and stronger person. I love this little guy so much, so how could i hate Jasper? In my journal to "little buddie", as heather and I call him since boy names are difficult, I always tell him that i love his daddy, because i do not want him growing up having negative thoughts of his daddy. I do not think any kid should grow up having negative feelings about one parent because of what the other parent said. I hope he realizes that his daddy made some mistakes, and needed to face the consequences, but i dont hate him. I really do not. Im upset and hurt, beyond anything, but i do not hate him.

I sounded very rude, and i want to say that what i said was true, and those were my true feelings, but i do not want to put Jasper in a bad light, especially those of you who read this blog and know who he is. He is not a bad person, but i believe he made a bad choice.

I... just believe that... when you are married, it is not just an excuse to hang out all the time. Marriage is a commitment from the start, and you bond in more ways then just love. Being husband and wife is COMPLETELY different than being boyfriend and girlfriend, and i did not want to be engaged as... a title. I believe that if you are engaged, you start right then a commitment to each other and you start planning for your future. Yes, its cute to have rings and to belong to someone, but if you are engaged... you're pretty serious about each other, and you really REALLY want that person and only that person, and you will do whatever you can to make the other one happy, comfortable, safe, etc.

I think that is why it hurt so much. It hurt that someone who declared that they loved me so much, day in and day out, went and did something like that. It breaks all forms of trust, like, not just a trust of letting them hang with friends, but a trust in everything. What was said that was lies? What was true? Was he really somewhere he told me? And it scared me too. I just feel like i cannot be married to someone who i have ANY trust issues with. At all. Even if i dont trust that they mean it when they say they like chocolate. Ok, that was dumb. But you get what im saying.

So, all-in-all, i apologize for bashing and putting him in a bad light, and i hope that people do not judge him solely on what i said about him. Just releasing feelings, as always.

And THATS why im not marrying you

I dont want to do a Jasper bash on here, but i have to say that i find it really ridiculous that Jasper, my boyfriend for four years, who has been so excited about this pregnancy, who wanted to marry me and started making plans for our future house and was picking out boy names, goes and cheats on me. Really? Are you serious? Just because i didn't want to have sex anymore, and i thought maybe you could be a man and understand and at least TRY to respect me as a person and as your "fiance" if you want to use that dreadful word. Like, really?

Oh, and i love, just love, all the lies. Is there such thing as compulsive lying? He loved telling people we were engaged, that his dad and my mom were planning the wedding and that my dad and him were best buds and hung out all the time. What. The. Crap? Its all news to me, bub. I really appreciate how you just told everyone that we were engaged, and told me "Well, we might as well be". Really? You cant get down on one knee? You cant ask me if im ok with any of this? And your dad is mad because hes trying to plan it and i wont say yes, so he's waiting for an answer. Thats really pathetic, im sorry. Kinda ridiculous. Just kinda.

So, you lied, didn't feel like getting a job because "Everything would work out", you were forcing me into marriage, and you went and did the dirty with your ex-girlfriend while we were STILL together. THATS why im not with you anymore, and THATS why im going to go find better.

First Blog

Well, this is my first blog and I thought that if other people girls like me find relief doing it, then i'd give it a shot. Plus, i thought people should hear my side of the story, since people always assume the worst when they look at a pregnant girl.

I found out i was pregnant back at the first of June. I will say that i was not too surprised, because i had been with my boyfriend for a few years. Well, it was surprising, but of course we were in la-la- everything-is-fine land. We were happy and excited, until reality started slapping me in the face. Hard. I started being really scared, and i realized that i couldn't do it anymore. I needed my mom. She kinda freaked for a few days, but automatically let me know that she was there for me. She has always talked to me, and has been open and honest with me. Same with my dad, i love them both.

I honestly didn't want to go to LDS Family Services. I didn't want to go to this building full of bishops, and have them tell me how i commited a sin next to murder every week and tell me to give it up for adoption. But it ended up that i got a great counselor, who is super bubbly and positive. It helped talking about marriage and adoption, with the pro's and con's of each. At the time, i was going to keep this baby and marry "jasper". Lets just call him that. But i started realizing that having a husband who's a high school drop out who doesn't have a job isn't the best thing. Frankly, he didn't agree, and used my favorite saying to answer his questions. "It will all work out." I swear im never marrying a man who says that.

My mom couldn't sleep one night, and she went online to the LDSFS website and looked at couples. I was a little bugged the next morning when she told me, because i didn't want to be forced into something, and i wasn't too fond of adoption at the time. But she said she found a couple that liked coldplay, and hey, i love coldplay, so i looked at them. In the process of trying to find them, i was seeing other profiles and just thinking "Yuck". It was like online-dating times 10. SO didn't want to do that. But we found them, and.... i dont know, maybe the picture, but something really got my attention. They were so cute! You couldn't help smile when looking at them, seriously. So, i decided to email her. I had no idea what i was doing. But when she emailed me back, she was just so honest and open, and she was so positive too. We continued emailing, and she really just loved to hear about me. I liked being able to be open, letting her know that i was still with Jasper and that i hadn't decided anything.

After a couple weeks of emails, we decided to have a face-to-face. While waiting, i thought i was going to throw-up. Like, why was i so nervous? No idea, but i was so scared to meet them. My counselor told me that i would have a really good feeling or a really bad feeling, so i was terrified of a black cloud. But when they walked in, i felt really good. They didnt have a halo or anything like those way cool stories other girls tell, but i did feel comfortable. We talked for a while then went to lunch, and it was the first time i had ever finished a pork salad from bajios. Man, i felt like a pig! I was worried they would think i would get the baby fat, which i still wonder sometimes with how much i eat.... anyway, all in all, it was good.

We kept emailing, which the husband commented on how long our emails were and she was like "You're a man, you dont understand!" They are so freaking funny. She took me to get pedicures, and we kept on emailing. So yeah, it had been going on for a while, and my counselor was always like "So... are you feeling good about them?" She was totally waiting for me to say i wanted them, because i think she could tell that i was sure about them. But one week, her and my mom were finally like "Mariel, what is holding you back?" And... i couldn't think of anything. Well, there was Jasper, but thats another blog for another day. So she looked at me and was like "Mariel, lets do it!" And i was like "uh.... ok?" But i really did feel good about it, so we started planning on how to tell them. We decided that we would ask them to dinner, all casual like, and they would show up to a decorated table with a basket that contained a bunch of baby goodies. I was super excited!! I love the element of surprise!

Then things got bad. Ugh. So, basically there was another birth mom that was really liking them, and she wasn't sure yet if she wanted them or not. Seriously, it turned into a battle. So, while im on cloud number nine planning this big surprise, heck, my mom and i even went and bought everything, my counselor calls me saying "Dont get mad, ok?" Right, like im going to stay calm when you say that. She said this other girl was going to call them right then to tell them that she chose them. WHAT?? My surprise ruined? She said "Here are they're numbers, call them now!" So dramatic, i know. So i couldn't reach her but i got him, and i was like "So,... this is really lame, and i had something cool planned out, but... basically, i love you guys to death and you're the couple for me!" Ugh, i was so bummed that i couldn't surprise them, it was ridiculous how mad i was. He was way excited and hoped in his car to go see her at work and tell her, but i was like "Hey, what if you kept it on the down low and we could still surprise her?" He was ok with it, though i didn't want him to get in trouble and sleep on the couch for the rest of his married life :P but he was ok with it. YAY!! SURPRISE STILL ON!

NOT! Another call from my counselor. "Dont be mad, ok?" Gosh dangit woman, don't say that to me! She explained that he told her (i'll admit, i was a little mad for about 4 seconds that he told her), but she said that they wanted to tell me something and they didn't know how to tell me. O...K....? Basically, she was prego. I was like "What?". SO surprised. She asked me if i still felt ok about them, and for a second i doubted, but i knew in my heart that they were the ones. I had always known. So, we still planned on dinner.

The thing i loved was how i texted them being like "Well, i got some stuff to think about, but i cant wait for dinner!" I was such a jerk. Hey, i wanted my element of surprise gosh dangit. So, i was so scared (again) thinking i was going to barf, and they walked into Carrabbas to the table that my mom, dad and i were at, and after we gave hugs, they saw the basket and it was just awesome. Side note, basket had a really cute blanket, toy elephant, baby soap, THE CUTEST baby onesies and pants, two of my most favorite childrens books (Baby beluga and I Love You Forever), baby booties and socks, and some hangers. I think i got it all. We had a great dinner, and it was a huge relief. Except the awful stomach ache dinner gave me. Yuck.

So, basically, thats my story so far. Well, i mean, theres a lot more, but i felt that this has already been pretty long. Theres little details, and i bet you're wondering about Jasper, but again, another blog for another day.