Our bishop taught a combined relief society/elders quorum today. Dont really remember what the lesson was about, but he handed out a list of scriptures, and there were 2 that really stood out to me.
The first is D&C 98: 25 and 45, "And again, if your enemy shall smite you the second time, and you revile not against your enemy, and bear it patiently, your reward shall be an hundredfold." and vs 45, " And if he do this, thou shalt forgive him with all thine heart; and if he do not this, I, the Lord, will avenge thee of thine enemy an hundred-fold;"
I was like... whoa. I had been in a bad mood all morning about jasper, and his stupid email, and when i read this, it kinda hit me in the face. I mean, its pretty self-explanatory. No matter how much crap i receive from him, or other people, if i dont react to it and if im just humble and patient, i will be blessed. Im glad my mom and dad edited my email back to him yesterday. If i were to express all i were feeling, call him names, explain my broke heart, then he would have responded and it would have started a battle. But, with their help, i kept it short and to the point, i wasn't mean or offense or accusing, and i am *trying trying trying* to be humble. I mean, i do want to write an email. Seriously, i want to spill out my guts, use words no one will dare even think, call him names that would make a mosquito gasp! I seriously do, i want him to know how much im hurting, i want him to know what a #$@%^^@ he is, but, im trying my hardest to be humble and to be patient. Im not sure about the second part, saying that i need to forgive him with all my heart. Like, i know i do, but i think it might be a while :) gotta work on that. But hey, i deserve to be hating for a little, right? :) Anyway, awesome scripture that totally just answered questions in my head. Isn't that cool how that happens?
Ok, this one is amazing. Like.... ok. Matt 19:29 "And every one that hath forsaken housees, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life." That one really got to me. I almost felt like that scripture was made for me and any other birth mothers out there. Its not direct at adoption, but the fact that we will receive so many blessing and that we will inherit everlasting life because we are doing the best things for these little spirits in us was so... amazing to me and it really touched me. Its comforting and just, reassuring i guess. Again, i know i say this a lot, but i know its going to be hard. But im grateful for the scriptures, and for the messages, little and humungo, we get. I know, sounding preachy. But yeah, i just wanted to share those :)
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Great insights Mariel. Forgiveness is so so hard. I struggle with it all the time. I tend to be pretty vengeful at times. As much as you do deserve to be hating right now.. you're right, it makes it harder. But I don't think you have to expect to be perfect at forgive him right away.. it will come when it comes. But you sound like you have an open heart to it and that's AMAZING. Thanks so much for sharing! It helped me to realize that I have some forgiving of my own to do.. about stuff I'm going through.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!! It gave me a lot to think about. My favorite scripture that keeps me going is Mosiah 2:41. Check it out :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts-really neat and touching--you have grown so much and I just love you! I am so glad that I know you and get to be a part of your life!
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