First Blog

Well, this is my first blog and I thought that if other people girls like me find relief doing it, then i'd give it a shot. Plus, i thought people should hear my side of the story, since people always assume the worst when they look at a pregnant girl.

I found out i was pregnant back at the first of June. I will say that i was not too surprised, because i had been with my boyfriend for a few years. Well, it was surprising, but of course we were in la-la- everything-is-fine land. We were happy and excited, until reality started slapping me in the face. Hard. I started being really scared, and i realized that i couldn't do it anymore. I needed my mom. She kinda freaked for a few days, but automatically let me know that she was there for me. She has always talked to me, and has been open and honest with me. Same with my dad, i love them both.

I honestly didn't want to go to LDS Family Services. I didn't want to go to this building full of bishops, and have them tell me how i commited a sin next to murder every week and tell me to give it up for adoption. But it ended up that i got a great counselor, who is super bubbly and positive. It helped talking about marriage and adoption, with the pro's and con's of each. At the time, i was going to keep this baby and marry "jasper". Lets just call him that. But i started realizing that having a husband who's a high school drop out who doesn't have a job isn't the best thing. Frankly, he didn't agree, and used my favorite saying to answer his questions. "It will all work out." I swear im never marrying a man who says that.

My mom couldn't sleep one night, and she went online to the LDSFS website and looked at couples. I was a little bugged the next morning when she told me, because i didn't want to be forced into something, and i wasn't too fond of adoption at the time. But she said she found a couple that liked coldplay, and hey, i love coldplay, so i looked at them. In the process of trying to find them, i was seeing other profiles and just thinking "Yuck". It was like online-dating times 10. SO didn't want to do that. But we found them, and.... i dont know, maybe the picture, but something really got my attention. They were so cute! You couldn't help smile when looking at them, seriously. So, i decided to email her. I had no idea what i was doing. But when she emailed me back, she was just so honest and open, and she was so positive too. We continued emailing, and she really just loved to hear about me. I liked being able to be open, letting her know that i was still with Jasper and that i hadn't decided anything.

After a couple weeks of emails, we decided to have a face-to-face. While waiting, i thought i was going to throw-up. Like, why was i so nervous? No idea, but i was so scared to meet them. My counselor told me that i would have a really good feeling or a really bad feeling, so i was terrified of a black cloud. But when they walked in, i felt really good. They didnt have a halo or anything like those way cool stories other girls tell, but i did feel comfortable. We talked for a while then went to lunch, and it was the first time i had ever finished a pork salad from bajios. Man, i felt like a pig! I was worried they would think i would get the baby fat, which i still wonder sometimes with how much i eat.... anyway, all in all, it was good.

We kept emailing, which the husband commented on how long our emails were and she was like "You're a man, you dont understand!" They are so freaking funny. She took me to get pedicures, and we kept on emailing. So yeah, it had been going on for a while, and my counselor was always like "So... are you feeling good about them?" She was totally waiting for me to say i wanted them, because i think she could tell that i was sure about them. But one week, her and my mom were finally like "Mariel, what is holding you back?" And... i couldn't think of anything. Well, there was Jasper, but thats another blog for another day. So she looked at me and was like "Mariel, lets do it!" And i was like "uh.... ok?" But i really did feel good about it, so we started planning on how to tell them. We decided that we would ask them to dinner, all casual like, and they would show up to a decorated table with a basket that contained a bunch of baby goodies. I was super excited!! I love the element of surprise!

Then things got bad. Ugh. So, basically there was another birth mom that was really liking them, and she wasn't sure yet if she wanted them or not. Seriously, it turned into a battle. So, while im on cloud number nine planning this big surprise, heck, my mom and i even went and bought everything, my counselor calls me saying "Dont get mad, ok?" Right, like im going to stay calm when you say that. She said this other girl was going to call them right then to tell them that she chose them. WHAT?? My surprise ruined? She said "Here are they're numbers, call them now!" So dramatic, i know. So i couldn't reach her but i got him, and i was like "So,... this is really lame, and i had something cool planned out, but... basically, i love you guys to death and you're the couple for me!" Ugh, i was so bummed that i couldn't surprise them, it was ridiculous how mad i was. He was way excited and hoped in his car to go see her at work and tell her, but i was like "Hey, what if you kept it on the down low and we could still surprise her?" He was ok with it, though i didn't want him to get in trouble and sleep on the couch for the rest of his married life :P but he was ok with it. YAY!! SURPRISE STILL ON!

NOT! Another call from my counselor. "Dont be mad, ok?" Gosh dangit woman, don't say that to me! She explained that he told her (i'll admit, i was a little mad for about 4 seconds that he told her), but she said that they wanted to tell me something and they didn't know how to tell me. O...K....? Basically, she was prego. I was like "What?". SO surprised. She asked me if i still felt ok about them, and for a second i doubted, but i knew in my heart that they were the ones. I had always known. So, we still planned on dinner.

The thing i loved was how i texted them being like "Well, i got some stuff to think about, but i cant wait for dinner!" I was such a jerk. Hey, i wanted my element of surprise gosh dangit. So, i was so scared (again) thinking i was going to barf, and they walked into Carrabbas to the table that my mom, dad and i were at, and after we gave hugs, they saw the basket and it was just awesome. Side note, basket had a really cute blanket, toy elephant, baby soap, THE CUTEST baby onesies and pants, two of my most favorite childrens books (Baby beluga and I Love You Forever), baby booties and socks, and some hangers. I think i got it all. We had a great dinner, and it was a huge relief. Except the awful stomach ache dinner gave me. Yuck.

So, basically, thats my story so far. Well, i mean, theres a lot more, but i felt that this has already been pretty long. Theres little details, and i bet you're wondering about Jasper, but again, another blog for another day.