A surprise email i got from Jasper a few days ago.
Mariel Ive been thinking about you alot. I know what i did with ***** betrayed your trust. I was young i was thinking with my dick and not my heart. It was stupid. I still love you Mariel. And i want to know how you feel. Please respond.
Cue my favorite song at the moment
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm0T7_SGee4&feature=related
I honestly don't have a lot to say. When i first read it, my mouth was full of acid and i wanted to kill someone. Thankfully i was smart enough to text my loving friend Annette, who was very wise.
"Just delete it. If you are getting angry, it is using up energy that he doesn't deserve. Of course he wants a response. You are too good for that." Something along those lines...
I realized she was right. Why care? Why give him that attention? Of course he was thinking with his... thing, and he always will. He doesn't still love me, he just is running out of girls to turn to. He is that desperate that he will try me again. He is looking at his list like "Check, check, check.... i guess its down to mariel. Who cares if she had a baby, she's gotten over it by now, she still loves me. Lets drop her a message."
Um, no.
There are WAY too many fish out there in the sea that deserve my attention bub! And i am going to find an awesome one, and totally forget about you. I already have! I already like this really awesome guy who respects me and likes to hang out with my family and opens my door and genuinely cares about me!
So ha. Ha ha ha ha.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Clincals!! Ah!
We are done with the class and starting to do clinical's, where we go to an assisted living home and cling on to other nurses as they tell us what to do. Our first one was two Wednesday's ago, and my mom and I offered to do the Alzheimer's unit.
Bad Idea.
Well, it wasn't really. It was definitely a learning experience. We fed them, which was alright, and then we had to get them ready for bed. That part was hard. One of us would hold them up while the other cleaned them after they went to the bathroom, and we had to change them and brush their teeth. Then we had to lift them into bed. Doing this for every single person took 2 hours! I was so exhausted. It was hard, but kinda cool at the same time. It is definitely better learning on hand then sitting in a classroom.
But the place was so dirty! Like, i don't know, i just think it could have been kept up better. And i was so exhausted, and it is kinda depressing when you can't talk to the people that you are helping. You never know what they want, and you dont know how to best help them. They probably don't know what they want either.
So then this last Wednesday, i went to do my second clinical, and i wasn't all that excited. I knew that i was going to get frustrated again, and i was honestly thinking "What am i doing? Can i really do this job?". So we went, and the place was actually really nice. And i got assigned to a nice CNA, who kinda gave me a job and then ditched me, so i was like "Ok?". So i fed a lady her dinner, which was nice because she told me what she wanted and i gave it to her, and we talked about her grandsons. And then we started getting people ready for bed, and it was really nice because we were talking to them and they could tell us what they wanted. This one woman who is mentally handicapped and in a wheelchair was SOOO sweet, and she would race us down the hallway, and ask for a drink or her remotes, and she would always say "Thank you". I loved her.
There was another woman who was SO funny! We were getting her undressed, and when she was in her nightgown, she was like "Well aren't i sexy?". Haha, it made me laugh.
So, that night basically raised my spirits back up. I was really down about my first night, but i felt so much better after that place. I loved that i could talk to the people and converse with them. And i also really loved the place, it was very well kept and it felt like a home. And its close to BYU, so if i live in the dorms it is a place to consider to work. Maybe?
Anyways, i LOVE being out in the field and actually doing it instead of sitting in a classroom! Its so neat, and i feel like a real nurse! A lot of people are like "Man, i couldn't do that job. I don't know how you can change and feed people" but it is seriously the most humbling thing ever, and i love it so much. I never thought i would, but it is definitely one of the coolest things!
Bad Idea.
Well, it wasn't really. It was definitely a learning experience. We fed them, which was alright, and then we had to get them ready for bed. That part was hard. One of us would hold them up while the other cleaned them after they went to the bathroom, and we had to change them and brush their teeth. Then we had to lift them into bed. Doing this for every single person took 2 hours! I was so exhausted. It was hard, but kinda cool at the same time. It is definitely better learning on hand then sitting in a classroom.
But the place was so dirty! Like, i don't know, i just think it could have been kept up better. And i was so exhausted, and it is kinda depressing when you can't talk to the people that you are helping. You never know what they want, and you dont know how to best help them. They probably don't know what they want either.
So then this last Wednesday, i went to do my second clinical, and i wasn't all that excited. I knew that i was going to get frustrated again, and i was honestly thinking "What am i doing? Can i really do this job?". So we went, and the place was actually really nice. And i got assigned to a nice CNA, who kinda gave me a job and then ditched me, so i was like "Ok?". So i fed a lady her dinner, which was nice because she told me what she wanted and i gave it to her, and we talked about her grandsons. And then we started getting people ready for bed, and it was really nice because we were talking to them and they could tell us what they wanted. This one woman who is mentally handicapped and in a wheelchair was SOOO sweet, and she would race us down the hallway, and ask for a drink or her remotes, and she would always say "Thank you". I loved her.
There was another woman who was SO funny! We were getting her undressed, and when she was in her nightgown, she was like "Well aren't i sexy?". Haha, it made me laugh.
So, that night basically raised my spirits back up. I was really down about my first night, but i felt so much better after that place. I loved that i could talk to the people and converse with them. And i also really loved the place, it was very well kept and it felt like a home. And its close to BYU, so if i live in the dorms it is a place to consider to work. Maybe?
Anyways, i LOVE being out in the field and actually doing it instead of sitting in a classroom! Its so neat, and i feel like a real nurse! A lot of people are like "Man, i couldn't do that job. I don't know how you can change and feed people" but it is seriously the most humbling thing ever, and i love it so much. I never thought i would, but it is definitely one of the coolest things!
I Want To Graduate!
I only have 3 packets left! They are super easy too. It is a class called Young Parent, but, since im.... not really a parent? I dont know. But i took it because its easy. And its basically reading a book and answering questions. Painfully easy. And i already know half of the stuff anyway. Hello, motherly instincts here.
I need .5 credits of PE, which i couldn't have gotten at my school because it would have taken too long, so i took an Independent Studies course through BYU to get that .5 credit. I chose bowling, because i thought it would be easy. Right? WRONG? And you ask "How can it be hard?" This is a BYU class people. You have to know hand positions, types of curves, terms for different splits, how the pins get knocked down (oh yes, they throw physics in there). And, i had to pick my 15 best scores and get an average, which, thank goodness, was 95, which is pretty decent, but that is a C! What?!? I thought a 95 was pretty dang good! So i took the test, and they are like "Well, it can take up to two weeks for the teacher to correct it". Um, my graduation is in two weeks. I NEED IT IN TO GRADUATE!! I mean, how long does it take to correct a few assignments and fax over the results to my school? So i have to wait and bite my nails and pray that she sends it in on time.
Seriously, if i dont graduate because of stupid PE credit, someone will not live.
I need .5 credits of PE, which i couldn't have gotten at my school because it would have taken too long, so i took an Independent Studies course through BYU to get that .5 credit. I chose bowling, because i thought it would be easy. Right? WRONG? And you ask "How can it be hard?" This is a BYU class people. You have to know hand positions, types of curves, terms for different splits, how the pins get knocked down (oh yes, they throw physics in there). And, i had to pick my 15 best scores and get an average, which, thank goodness, was 95, which is pretty decent, but that is a C! What?!? I thought a 95 was pretty dang good! So i took the test, and they are like "Well, it can take up to two weeks for the teacher to correct it". Um, my graduation is in two weeks. I NEED IT IN TO GRADUATE!! I mean, how long does it take to correct a few assignments and fax over the results to my school? So i have to wait and bite my nails and pray that she sends it in on time.
Seriously, if i dont graduate because of stupid PE credit, someone will not live.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
CN
We are going to call him CN. I cant think of a cool name right now. And, i always, usually, sometimes, change names for privacy reasons.
Remember my post a few posts ago, about how terrified of relationships i am? I still feel that way, dont worry, but CN is.... weirding me out. In a good way. I didn't know that guys could be like that. I honestly never thought i would meet a guy that is a genuine gentleman. Thats why its weird, i never expect it, and im not used to it, but he will offer me something, compliment, open doors, the works. Im like "what what what??"
Several big things i like about CN:
* He is family orientated, just like me. He has cousins galore and hangs with them, and always does stuff with his siblings. Just like me. We have similar family backgrounds.
* He plans things. Hes not the type to just hang out and make me think of something to do, or go make me buy him something (cough cough Jasper cough). He always has a plan, and invites me. It means a lot to put thought into things. And they are fun things, like a BBQ or going to Lagoon with his family.
* He has goals. He graduated with good grades, he has a full time job. He wants to make the most out of himself, which i definitely admire.
* He is genuinely concerned about how i am doing, and is interested in what i do. He always tries to direct the conversation at me, never about himself. A little embarrassing :) jk
* He likes the same humor as me, like Brian Regan and Jeff Gaffigan. SO FUNNY!!
* He is very understanding if i cannot hang out, or if i am busy. He doesn't pout and get upset, he just says "Alright, thats fine, good luck with your homework! I would love to hang out when you are free, just let me know". SO nice to have someone understand that my life is crazy.
There are more things. And everyone is like "Are you going out?". No. I talked to him, and i explained that i do like him more than a friend, but i am not quite ready to be in a relationship yet. And, if a relationship happens, it happens, i just want the cards to fall where they may. Relationships shouldn't be planned. Its weird.
He completely understood. He said that he would love to keep doing things, and whenever we do things, they are with one of his hillarious cousins, which i really appreciate.
We went to Lagoon, and it was SO MUCH FUN! I was kinda nervous at first, because everyone at lagoon makes out, and i don't really want to do that! But his brother, brothers friend, sister, and 5 cousins came, and i was just so much fun. We went on rides, and they are all so much fun and easy to talk to and we went crazy! We went on every ride, and ran around, and drank pop until we were sick!
I just loved being with his family. Plus, its nice because you can see how he acts around his family, you know? How they treat them. When we were packing food at his house, his little 5 year old sister gave me one of her littlest pet shop cats! I was like "I don't want her to be sad! She might miss you!" and CN's mom was like "Oh, don't worry, she has plenty more." So its sitting in my room. It was so cute!
So, i like him, definitely more than a friend, but im still scared. People think im over reacting, but im still scared, ok?
Remember my post a few posts ago, about how terrified of relationships i am? I still feel that way, dont worry, but CN is.... weirding me out. In a good way. I didn't know that guys could be like that. I honestly never thought i would meet a guy that is a genuine gentleman. Thats why its weird, i never expect it, and im not used to it, but he will offer me something, compliment, open doors, the works. Im like "what what what??"
Several big things i like about CN:
* He is family orientated, just like me. He has cousins galore and hangs with them, and always does stuff with his siblings. Just like me. We have similar family backgrounds.
* He plans things. Hes not the type to just hang out and make me think of something to do, or go make me buy him something (cough cough Jasper cough). He always has a plan, and invites me. It means a lot to put thought into things. And they are fun things, like a BBQ or going to Lagoon with his family.
* He has goals. He graduated with good grades, he has a full time job. He wants to make the most out of himself, which i definitely admire.
* He is genuinely concerned about how i am doing, and is interested in what i do. He always tries to direct the conversation at me, never about himself. A little embarrassing :) jk
* He likes the same humor as me, like Brian Regan and Jeff Gaffigan. SO FUNNY!!
* He is very understanding if i cannot hang out, or if i am busy. He doesn't pout and get upset, he just says "Alright, thats fine, good luck with your homework! I would love to hang out when you are free, just let me know". SO nice to have someone understand that my life is crazy.
There are more things. And everyone is like "Are you going out?". No. I talked to him, and i explained that i do like him more than a friend, but i am not quite ready to be in a relationship yet. And, if a relationship happens, it happens, i just want the cards to fall where they may. Relationships shouldn't be planned. Its weird.
He completely understood. He said that he would love to keep doing things, and whenever we do things, they are with one of his hillarious cousins, which i really appreciate.
We went to Lagoon, and it was SO MUCH FUN! I was kinda nervous at first, because everyone at lagoon makes out, and i don't really want to do that! But his brother, brothers friend, sister, and 5 cousins came, and i was just so much fun. We went on rides, and they are all so much fun and easy to talk to and we went crazy! We went on every ride, and ran around, and drank pop until we were sick!
I just loved being with his family. Plus, its nice because you can see how he acts around his family, you know? How they treat them. When we were packing food at his house, his little 5 year old sister gave me one of her littlest pet shop cats! I was like "I don't want her to be sad! She might miss you!" and CN's mom was like "Oh, don't worry, she has plenty more." So its sitting in my room. It was so cute!
So, i like him, definitely more than a friend, but im still scared. People think im over reacting, but im still scared, ok?
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