FAQs #2

Im doing this again because people have said they wanted updates, and i dont know how else to write about my life at the moment. Im very blah lately. I think blah should be my middle name.

1. How are you? Really.
Stressed. Thinking about the future sucks. Deciding on college, trying to find a job, trying to be all social and cool. I feel like there is a black cloud over my head. I think its the anti-depressants. I really dont want to take them, but last time i rebelled and went off of them, i smacked, not hit, rock bottom. So, i have to take them. They take the edge off, but they also make me really distant and blah. I feel bad for people trying to carry on a conversation with me.
    

I miss Jack. Im going through a denial period, for some reason. I was obviously pregnant, but its like i dont remember being pregnant, like it never happened, and its hard to think he is mine. Im really upset that im feeling this way, because i know hes mine, and i want him to be mine. Well, obviously hes heather and kirks, but... you know what i mean.

2. Are you graduating this year?
I know its rude, but it kinda bothers me when people ask that with a tone of "are you still in school?". Duh. I didn't drop out, just because i dont go to Orem High and i go to the "reject" school. Geez.

Anyway.... yes, i am graduating. Either the end of this month or April.

3. Going to college?
Yup. Well, im applying late to BYU, but since my dad is a professor i kinda have an "in". But i gotta get it done. I just had to wait for my high school transcripts and ACT score to get in, and my bishop has to complete my ecclesiastical endorsement.

Yes, people are shocked when i say im going to BYU. It bothers me. I had a hard few years, but dont we all? Yeah, i screwed up for a bit, but i did the right thing, and now im moving on. Please stop giving me that look when i say BYU. Thank you.

4. Have you gotten a job yet?
Have you LOOKED at our economy lately? :) No, i havent. Ive applied and bugged people to death. This manager knows me by name and is getting pretty annoyed with my daily appearance. But hey, that is how i got my other jobs. Be a stalker.

5. Plans for the future?
Im going to MATC to get my Registered Nurses Assistance in a 3 week program that my high school is paying for. Pretty cool. I would rather be in that field than working at subway. Ill work with that while i go to BYU to get my generals done, then ill transfer to Weber or UVU to get my degree in Radio Tech.

6. Wow, you have that all figured out.
Hey, in this world, you have to know what you are going to do. I like knowing where im going.

7. Wanting to meet a boy at BYU?
If it happens, it happens, but my ideal marriage age would be about 24. I'd be all done with schooling, get to do fun single things, live life, work at my dream job for a while.

8. Speaking of boys....
Nope, nothing to report. Surprisingly, the guys i have been meeting are very respectful of Jack. Maybe its just the way our world is today. And, i have met them through friends that know everything, so they already knew.

That one kid i went on a date with a while ago and was goo goo for? Yeah. Freaking stupid. Very selfish, self absorbed, high and mightey, interupts, spells words wrong. Thats petty, i know, but intelligence is a big plus for me. He would text me saying "Im board". Really? You cant spell a fourth grade word? Geez.

But i have met another guy, very smart, graduated early, very kind and selfless, tall, computer nerd, intelligent, carries on good conversations, sincerely interested in how im doing, very sensitive to peoples feelings. Anyway. Hes really nice.

I seriously dont want to get married for a long time though. Boys are very immature, i want to ignore them and have fun.

9. Well, you are looking great.
HA!!! No. There is a reason that i wear baggy shirts, and that only two of my old pairs of jeans fit. Why do we say pair of jeans? They are just one thing.... ive never gotten that. Anyway, i have stretch marks all over and this little pudge that i hope goes away soon.

10. How big is the incision?
About 4-41/2 inches. Its really low too, i thought they would do it like how they used to, a long line vertically up the stomach. I guess they still do that, in emergency situations. But mine is small, dark reddish purple, and its tight still and tucks in. There is a pucker of skin above it. Gross.

11. How is everything with the adoptive couple?
I could not ask for anyone better. They are amazing beyond words. She sends me a picture about every day with cute captions. She writes me emails, too, i just got one yesterday :) they are both so amazing. It seriously gets me emotional thinking about how amazing parents they are.

12. Hows the little Jack?
The cutest baby in the world!! I hope i dont offend, i know you other birthmoms out there now how i feel :) I like to say "He was the cutest baby born on December 29th at ___pm at _________ hospital in the year 2010" :) But i love him to death. I dont think anyone can accurately put into words the love they have for their children. He is my hope and my guiding light. Everything i do, i do for him.

Hes chunky!!!! I wonder if premie babies grow a little faster at first to catch up? Heather says that he is very curious, he loves looking around, especially at the ceiling fans. He is still calm, though gassy, poor little guy. Otherwise, he is absolutely perfect.

Any questions, feel free to ask. I actually started a think on formspring.me, where you can ask questions anonymously. I thought it would interesting, i got the idea from the amazing, lovely Stefanie. You should check out her blog btw. Completely amazing.