FAQs

I haven't written for a while, so i decided to answer questions that i am asked everyday. I like being asked, i love that people care, i just thought i would give an update of my "super fantastic" life. HA! Not.

How are you feeling?

Physically- Im pretty good. Still tired, but its getting better. I can eat normally now, gotta start making sure i dont eat too much. My scab has fallen off so now it is a very tight dark red line. Whoo hoo! My doctor was like "Oh wow, look at what i great job i did! You can still wear a bikini!" Yeah, since thats the first thing im going to do doc! Hes really funny :) I still get winded easily, but i am up and running errands, driving around while listening to awesome music, going to school. I still have heart burn, so i have to take tum-ta-tum-tum-tums!!! You know, the commercial? Anyway...

Emotionally- Im alright. Still trying to find Mariel, but shes coming back. I like to pull out some of my favorite music and sing along. Im on an anti-depressant, which i really didn't want to take, but it does help. The gloom is definitely gone, i see things in a brighter way. Just going out and doing things makes me really happy, i hate being couped up. And being productive, i love checking things off of my list. I miss Jack, but i talk to Heather a lot so its really good. 

How is Jack?

Freaking cute as always, little chubbster! You think they are small forever. He is almost 8 1/2 lbs, hes a good eater. And he is such a bright-eyed boy, i always hear "Beautiful Boy" by the Beatles in my head when i look at him. He is always content, just staring at me and looking around, his hand in a fist by his face or resting on his stomach. And you gotta love that baby smell :)

Is it hard/easier having the adoption be so open?

I think it is perfect. It is exactly what i need for my situation. It helps me move on. I go over there, hold him for a little and chat, and just seeing the atmosphere where he lives, the bottles and diapers and CUTE outfits and the amazing baby showers people threw for Heather, i know he is being well taken care of. More so than well taken care of. It is such a comfort. I can look at them and visually and tangibly say and think "Ok, that is how its supposed to be. That is right." and go on and do things that i need to do. I can comfortably go throughout my day and know that he is being loved and fed and blessed. And when im in the middle of school or running around i will feel a buzz and get a picture message from Heather of Jack with a "Good Morning!" or something and i just melt, it totally makes my day. I look at it, go "awwww my wittle jack!" and keep going. Keep going on, thats my goal :)

How is school?

Long. The packets aren't too hard, but they take a long time and are tedious. And driving all the way down there can be a pain. But i will be graduated by March! Im taking the ACT this saturday (gaaahhhhhhh) and next week my caseworker is helping me apply to BYU. Yes,  i have finally decided to go there. Cant beat half-tuition. But i will finish somewhere else. I want to go into Radiology and Sonogram, so ill do the first two years there and then probably go somewhere else to finish. And i will get to keep playing in my dads symphony, which is what im doing right now. We are playing such fun pieces, and i like my dads conducting. It feels really good to pick up the violin again. More than good. I just gotta get these fingers back to how they used to be!

Have you seen "Jasper" yet? Does he know that Jack is born?

Fortunately, i haven't. I know i will some day. With only a mile between us, its bound to happen. And i will do a disgusted eye-roll and keep going. Whoo! But im glad i haven't, im moving on. He doesn't matter anymore, hes like a squished bug under my shoe. He and his new girlfriend can go start there own life and she will have 3 kids and realize what a jerk he is and be miserable while i will be married to someone AWESOME! I hope... shes trying to take him to church. Really? HA! Good luck with that one. And yes, he does know. I dont think he knows his name or the birthday, but he knows that hes with a family. According to my friend, he seemed happy to finally know and it seems like hes moving on. So maybe thats closure? I think Satan wants me to think that i will never have closure, and i haven't felt it yet, but i will someday. It has gotten better.

So how was your date?!?

Another story for another time. But i will say that it was nice to go out and just date for fun. And he was a very sweet guy, so funny, a gentleman. And he had been through a similar experience (relationship wise) and he knew i was pregnant, and he was so chill with it. It was really nice. And fun. And, i have two other dates set up with different people. Its nice to just go out, meet people, be casual, and to laugh. To sincerely laugh and have a ball! I mean, i have only dated one guy and went on like 3 dates in my life. So im a little inexperienced :S Im so lame.

So, i cant think of other questions people have asked me, but thats the jist of how my life is going right now. Ill talk about the date later, and ill write about the ACT. SOOOOOOO scared for that. Im ok with english, just the math gets me. Math has always flown over my head, i just dont know anything. Wish me luck :(